flip out or not flip out…that is the question…

I know…not a very good title….but it is the best I can do right now.

Recently, I have had to experience a few situations which caused me to think more in depth about how, we…you…I…deal with those irritating, stressful and ‘angerful’ situations we encounter. What do you ‘do’ with them? Do you fly off the handle, throw things, yell, scream, get all negative, blame others, make someone else’s day bad just because yours is…what is it you..we…do?

Case in point…one of my situations was that I had my laptop stolen. Without going into many details, it was a rather sticky situation involving friends and their friends and was not your run of the mill theft (if one could categorize theft as such). Not only was my laptop stolen, but so was my external USB hard drive with 300+GB of music, pictures of my boys, lots of data going back to 2001 (including the files when I had my own business) and some other very sensitive personal data. Needless to say, I was quite upset. Mostly about the data and less about the laptop. I had to make a decision at the moment I realized the theft had happened. I needed to realize that at this point, I was entirely out of control of the situation. There was really nothing I could do except call the police, file the report and hope for the best (which was not very good as there was no evidence). I had no way of tracking this person down, convincing them to ‘come clean’ or return it.

I had to embrace the situation. Accept it. Be at peace with it. There is actually a wonderful, calming peace which comes over in the moment you embrace pain, loss, change (confortable or uncomfortable) or any situation beyond your control. Conversely, if you rail against that seemingly bad situation, what are you going to accomplish? Add to the ulcers already forming in your gut? Grow a few more grey hairs? Act like an ass in public or in front of friends/family? Throw that brand new iPhone or iPad across the room and then get even more pissed when you realize you will have to fork over more money to replace it? By engaging in these types of actions and behaviors, what are you actually accomplishing? I would argue, absolutely nothing at all, other than the obvious negative results from those associated negative actions.

When you embrace your fear, pain, loss and changes, you reach this place of peace…it is amazing really. It flies in the face of conventional or normal thinking. Don’t push those feelings away…pull them in close and embrace them…accept…fully experience them. In this way, we bring ourselves into that peace. When you do this it is not ignoring the pain…it is not wishing it away…it is not the cold, calculating response of those who rationalise it away. It is the acceptance of the fact you have no control whatsoever of the situation…it is beyond your grasp and you need to ride that wave.

You may experience more pain in the process. You may find a solution to the situation. You may see a positive outcome eventually. You may never see anything positive come out of it. Things may get worse and you now have four bad situations to deal with rather than one.

It doesn’t matter. You have embraced the situation and accepted it and in doing so, you remove from yourself the power it has over you. You are now free to think, feel and emote the way you choose to, rather than the situation controlling you and dictating your reactions. You are in control rather than it controlling you. You are now in a place where you can make rational decisions…thoughtful decisions….clear thinking and feeling. You are able to see positive and beneficial outcomes from this seemingly negative situation.

So I challenge and encourage you, in your next ‘bad’ situation…the one that makes you want to rant and rave in frustration, throw your expensive iPhone, or make someone else feel bad so you feel better…stop, contemplate and embrace the situation. Look at the fear, the pain, the loss, the change in the eye…and then smile and say ‘Today, I welcome you and everything you are bringing. I will learn from you and come out better as a result. You will not control me’. (I would suggest doing this in your head and not out loud when in public…I will accept no responsibility whatsoever if you do and end up locked up with a straight jacket on)

Do this and experience the amazing peace and calmness you will find and your ability to think clearly.

Trust me…I am not a doctor, but I play one in my own head…